Trusting the generative over the productive

The return of the sun this week has been a marvellous thing. I have been amazed afresh by the power that spending time in light and warmth has on me and my body.

I have felt a cold brewing recently and spending some time in the sun over the weekend, I noticed that the sun has restored something in my body that has helped to make me feel better. I felt like a plant, drinking in the goodness that light has to offer. And whilst I could feel the benefits of this, a small part of me started to question whether I should be doing something more ‘productive’ with my time.

Now this voice is a regular companion of mine, constantly making a binary of my life and asking me to choose between two options: ‘productive’ or ‘unproductive’. It tends to steer me towards the former except at times where I am completely depleted. In these circumstances, the latter is allowed but only for the purpose of returning me to productivity. Sitting in the sun whilst not utterly depleted = ‘unproductive’. (Ouch!)

However, sitting in the sun I noticed another newer and quieter voice. This voice said that the sun was necessary for me. It doesn’t think in binaries but rather in the conditions necessary to keep me nourished and well. It has no other priorities for me. Over the last couple years, I have been cultivating a relationship with this part of myself. It calls me, always, to remember that I am human (rather than a machine) and that sustaining myself in whatever way I choose to is, on its own, worth of my time. I have learnt that time spent this way has been a birthplace for the possibility that I thought productivity would give me.

These voices made me think about the difference between being productive and being generative. As someone raised to be helpful and useful (ukuba khuthele), I have often sacrificed myself at the altar of productivity. When I live from this place, I treat myself like a machine, keeping going for the sake of being ‘productive’. I can feel within this the voice of capitalism but also the messages around race, gender and culture that can encourage (over) giving and (over) doing even if this happens at our own expense.

If productivity is focused on the fruit we produce, then generativity is focused on the tree, the soil and the conditions that allow that fruit to be possible.

Now paying attention to these things may not produce fruit but it recognises that that is not the point. It asks us to consider what else may be going on for us: Has the tree had enough water? What is the condition of the soil? What pruning may need to happen? Is it even the season for this tree to produce fruit right now? Are the conditions right?

With this orientation, humanity can begin to be restored as can compassion and curiosity about yourself, your needs and what within you is in need of nourishment or restoration. This way is slower but is the birthplace for a more sustainable – in every sense of the word – life. As people of colour, this slowness is not always afforded to us and is often something we need to restore within ourselves and the communities of which we are part.

We can build a path to this way when we stop to notice ourselves and what we may need. It can happen in very small moments each day.

Like taking a few moments to pause.

And feel the sunshine on your skin.